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My parents are in their early 90s. They live in their home, and while slowing down, are still able to shop and get out. Every time I see them, they describe how sad that are that most of their friends are dead. It really weighs on them and is compounded each time another one passes. They take great joy in their kids and grandkids, but this dark cloud lingers over them. Are there any strategies to help folks continue to enjoy their lives and dwell less on those lost?
Grief theory and treatment now focuses on continuing bonds
with the people who we have lost rather than 鈥渕oving on鈥� or 鈥渃losure鈥�. I wonder
if there might be a way for her parents to think about and share the fond
memories they had with their friends, perhaps look at pictures and tell stories
they remember. They could do this with each other and with their daughter even.
They might also think about ways to keep those special bonds alive with their
friends. Some people continue to have conversations with them, some celebrate
special events that were meaningful to all of them, some keep a journal to
record an ongoing conversation with their friends, some sent letters or cards
in the mail. Just a few ideas that might help turn this from a 鈥渄ark cloud鈥� to
special friendships that they can still celebrate and continue, though not in physical
form. It can also be helpful to talk
about their own mortality.
Another recommended activity is to engage in community and
make new friends. Finding community, in
person or maybe even virtually, is important. That might mean finding a new
hobby or going to community events at local libraries or senior centers.
Meeting others who are going through the same things may help process these
negative emotions. If there are barriers to transportation, explore options
like paratransit or senior transportation shuttles, or GoGo Grandparent (a
phone call based Lyft/Uber service) to help them stay connected!
